Existential Questions

What Is It All For?

L. D. Banks

“SOLITUDE IS THE RICHNESS OF SELF.” A nifty quote I heard while listening to an

 SBS documentary on Tibetan monks. An interesting idea? Sure. Yet, not particularly approachable for your substandard adolescent male. As much as I consider myself a bit of a philosopher – engaged in deep thought, and heroically pondering the chaotic and prodigious nature of our indifferent universe – I’m not even sure I understand the meaning of coagulate, let alone the meaning of the universe. Which is outrageously frustrating, and often isolating, in a world so predicated on purpose and meaning. It’s hard not to feel angry at the monks. How can they be so sure in their beliefs that they would spend their lives cross legged in a cave, halfway up a mountain, with no food or water?

These zealots confuse me a great deal. Are they truly utterly convinced in what they believe? Or have they made a decision to commit to something and now feel obligated to stick with their decision regardless of their doubts? Like those crazy American pastors online performing live exorcisms on upwards of fifty people. That can’t be real – can it? The reason their certainty is so puzzling is because I am not sure I could ever reach that stage myself. Even if I decided to choose a faith of my own, there would always be significant doubts in my mind regarding the hundreds of other philosophies. There really are so many. Even just the main ones I could list off the top of my head; Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism. Each of which with their own unique convictions and sentiments. Yet, their objective truth is no more apparent than what is found in one of my unintelligible English essays.

Recently in English I have been learning about Existentialism and Absurdism (Great! Two more philosophies to stir up the anxiety of my meaningless existence). Both stemming from a nihilistic assertion that religious meaning is self-deception, they advocate for new ways of approaching an innately meaningless existence. Existentialism tells me to find my own meaning, like through helping people, or saving stray puppies, or collecting snails. Upon reflection, it seems I have been getting sold an existentialist line my entire life:

“Money can’t buy you happiness.”

“Do what you love.”

“When you’re on your deathbed, you will only regret not spending more time with your family.”

All existential questions for sure. Proposing a reasonable idea; ‘If you spend your life doing things you enjoy with people you love, how could you be dissatisfied at the end?’ I can certainly see the appeal to an ideology like this. However, I don’t know what I love to do. Sure – I enjoy various activities, but nothing I could make a career out of or spend my life doing. That seems to be the case for many people, like my dad, who fell victim to a mid-life crisis and decided to take up skateboarding at roughly fifty years of age. Which lasted roughly three weeks before he broke his arm and decided it was time to hang up his board.

Absurdism on the other hand, doesn’t exactly present a solution. Rather, absurdism acknowledges the indifferent nature of the universe and accepts it. This can be misunderstood as being a somewhat depressing idea. Admitting there is no meaning for us to find, must mean we should just give up – right? Wrong. Absurdists claim that it is in this discovery, that the universe provides us with no innate purpose, that we can be liberated from this rat race. Why should humans care about finding meaning? Why do we need a purpose? Absurdists claim we shouldn’t care, and that we do not need purpose. That we should merely follow our desires in the moment, doing whatever feels right at the time. As much as this sounds comforting, I struggle to see a functioning society of Absurdists. Everyone might just quit their jobs to sit on the beach and tan. Fattening up eating ice-cream and fast food for every meal. Hence, I feel the responsibility to contribute to the society that supports me. Rather than becoming an ice-cream wielding freeloader.

Pop-culture sells us all this story. With movies depicting heroic leaders, historic rises and championship teams. Like ‘Coach Carter’. Great film? Sure, but I’m no good at basketball. It’s these notions ‘Follow your dreams’, ‘seek out your passion’, ‘believe in this God’, ‘look at it this way’, that isolate us all.