Supporting Your Teen Through Friendship Challenges and Social Pressures
As part of our commitment to supporting the wellbeing of our students, the College Leadership Team and Pastoral Leadership Team have continued to engage with key insights from the book “Raising Anxiety” by Judith Locke and Danielle Einstein.
Our recent chapters focused on the complex social world of adolescents – exploring how friendships, social comparison, and the impact of social media can contribute to anxiety.
We understand that parenting through these years can be both rewarding and challenging, and we want to share some strategies to help you guide your daughter through these important developmental stages.
1. Understanding Friendship Challenges
Friendships play a crucial role in your daughter’s emotional and social development. However, maintaining these relationships can be a significant source of anxiety. As adolescents move from seeking validation primarily from family to prioritising peer approval, they may face difficulties navigating the complexities of friendships.
What You Can Do:
- Listen and Validate: Encourage open communication by providing a safe, judgment-free space for your daughter to express her feelings.
- Coach, Don’t Control: Help your daughter develop problem-solving skills by guiding her through challenging social situations without stepping in to solve everything for her.
- Diversify Social Networks: Encourage participation in extracurricular activities or community groups to broaden her social circles beyond school.
2. Recognising Different Social Motivations
Children approach friendships with different goals – some value intimacy and connection, while others prioritise social status. Understanding these motivations can help you interpret your daughter’s social experiences more clearly.
What You Can Do:
- Discuss Social Dynamics: Talk to your daughter about the different ways people form and maintain friendships, emphasising the value of kindness and authenticity.
- Model Healthy Relationships: Demonstrate positive social behaviours in your own interactions, such as empathy, inclusion, and respect.
3. Managing the Cost of Popularity
The desire to be popular can lead some adolescents to engage in relational aggression, such as gossip or exclusion, to maintain social status. Less popular children may feel pressured to gain acceptance from dominant peer groups.
What You Can Do:
- Promote Self-Worth: Reinforce that your daughter’s value is not determined by her popularity. Celebrate her unique qualities and strengths.
- Identify Healthy Friendships: Encourage your daughter to seek friendships that are supportive and affirming rather than those based on social status.
4. Addressing Social Comparison and Envy
It is natural for adolescents to compare themselves to others, but this can sometimes lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. Social media often heightens these comparisons, especially when others appear to be leading more exciting or successful lives.
What You Can Do:
- Normalise Comparison: Acknowledge that it is human nature to compare, but focus on self-growth rather than competition.
- Practice Gratitude: Encourage your daughter to reflect on what she values and appreciates in her own life.
- Set Social Media Limits: Work together to establish healthy boundaries around social media use, promoting mindful and intentional engagement.
5. Combating Fear of Missing Out (FoMO)
Adolescents are particularly vulnerable to FoMO, the fear of being excluded from social experiences. This fear can intensify feelings of isolation and anxiety.
What You Can Do:
- Foster Inclusion: Support your daughter in creating inclusive opportunities to connect with others.
- Encourage Balance: Help your daughter find a balance between online and in-person experiences, prioritising real-life connections.
- Affirm Belonging: Remind your daughter that her worth is not defined by external validation and that she has a secure place within your family and community.
We understand that these issues are complex and evolving, and we are here to support both you and your daughter through this journey. Should you have any concerns or wish to discuss further, please feel free to reach out to our Pastoral Care team.
Anne Sukkar
Leader of Wellbeing
