From the Deputy Head of Junior School – Wellbeing
The Importance of Courage in Friendships
Whether kids are introducing themselves to someone new, letting a buddy know they’re not ready for that sleepover yet, or standing up for a friend, one thing is for sure…
Friendship is COURAGE!
Apologising to a friend takes courage! Standing up for a friend really takes courage. Making friends can take courage. Including others takes courage too.
From URStrong….
What does it mean to include someone? What does it mean to exclude someone? Is exclusion the opposite of inclusion? The answer is: Absolutely not.
As social creatures, we are wired to work in groups and we naturally want to feel accepted. All children want to get along and belong. Because of this instinct, we are highly sensitive to rejection. In fact, true social rejection can be just as painful as physical pain (Eisenberger & Kippling, 2003). But, sometimes perceived rejection is actually not rejection or exclusion at all…their friend just doesn’t know how to include them.
It is extremely important for kids (and parents) to remember that a friend not overtly including someone does not automatically = exclusion. Too often we project intent onto a child who simply doesn’t know how to fold a friend into an existing game or convo.
Just like the Friendship Fire versus Mean-on-Purpose logic, not knowing how to include someone versus exclusion is very different. Exclusion is intentionally blocking or preventing someone from being involved. Most of the time, kids are not trying to be rude or mean… they just don’t know how to “Be an Includer” in those moments!
It is important we teach children how to include others and how to be included themselves if needed. In URStrong we teach about sitting in a horseshoe shape. This leaves the ends free for others to join the group, rather than sitting in a circle which is a closed group. We talk about being a friendship magnet – someone who attracts others. People who are nice, thoughtful, caring, helpful, speak nicely about others, smile and positive are ones other people are attracted to. We like to be around them because we feel a sense of acceptance and trust.
We talk about courage with the aim of developing courage in all our students so they can act with courage in all sorts of situations including in their friendships. This term we are focussing on our School Value of Courage. Developing this value is essential in our young students, in their learning and in their friendships.
– Joanne Sharpe
Deputy Head of Senior School – Wellbeing