From the Deputy Head of Senior School – Pastoral
Fostering a Culture of Kindness
A sense of connection to school, family and community have been identified as key protective factors contributing to children’s resilience and social, emotional, and physical wellbeing. One of the most protective things we can do for a young person is to help them feel safe, supported and cared for, along with helping them make and positively manage friendships.
The world of peer friendships is complex for young people to navigate. The benefits of positive friendships, feeling connected to others and having a sense of belonging is overwhelmingly powerful. Young people provide great support to each other and offer strength, compassion and attention to each other’s emotions. Our challenge is to empower young women to continue to act with integrity, remain kind, empathic and inclusive in a society often valuing social comparison and social status.
According to Bullying No Way bullying is defined as a repeated and ongoing, deliberate misuse of power in relationships, through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that intends to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm.
Bullying behaviour can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening. This can occur in many contexts and forms, such as in person or online, via various digital platforms and devices (cyber bullying). Bullying of any form or for any reason can have immediate and long-term effects on those involved, including bystanders. It is also important to recognise that isolated incidents and peer conflict or fights between equals, whether in person or online, are not defined as bullying.
As students transition into adolescence, they become increasingly reliant on and attached to their peers, this also means they are more likely to come into conflict with them. As students are still learning how to effectively engage, communicate and set boundaries, social conflict can sometimes result, leading to high emotional stress for the young person and also for the adults who care for them. It is common for children to seek adult support and guidance on managing friendships, particularly when experiencing difficulty. This provides us with valuable opportunities to guide adolescents towards kindness and managing healthy relationships.
Our young people learn ethical values through listening to, watching and modelling the behaviours of adults they respect. To support our young people in negotiating these relationships and fostering kindness and empathy there are actions we can all take:
- Model empathy and kindness. Demonstrate to young people how to show understanding, compassion and kindness towards others. Look for opportunities to model and encourage positive ways to talk positively of others and praise rather than bring others down. ‘No gossip’ rules support in understanding the difference between sharing of information (information is true, and not used to hurt, shame or exclude others) versus gossiping (information that is not truthful or is designed to hurt, shame or exclude others).
- Understand and do not confuse conflict with bullying. When our young people are struggling socially, it’s easy to conclude they have been bullied. Whilst this could be the case and we would always encourage appropriate adult intervention and support, the term bullying is, as above, reserved for repeated, one-way aggression against someone who cannot defend themselves effectively. Help young people identify the difference between ‘Friendship Fires’ (normal conflicts between friends) and Mean-on-Purpose behaviour as noted by U R Strong. By making this distinction and establishing a common language, we can better support our young people towards healthy peer relationships.
Creating a culture of kindness, care and compassion is central to MLC School’s vision to educate and inspire young women to be fearless thinkers with moral courage and compassion, to be agents of change in their own lives and the lives of others. At MLC School, Luminaries and teachers often engage in discussions with students regarding caring for others, looking after friends, healthy friendships and key support skills.
– Andrew Taylor
Deputy Head of Senior School – Pastoral