The Happiness Movement, and the Value of Being Content
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Philippians 4:11-12
For over 20 years in the various schools I have led, parents often say to me that they just want their child to be happy. At this point I inwardly cringe. It is not that I want their child to be unhappy; of course, I want them to fully thrive, however, this restricted aim often expressed to me is a very reductionist one. My experience and reading tells me that happiness is not possible as a continuous euphoric experience. We will all be buffeted by life, or as the saying goes, the only things that are certain are death and taxes! (hopefully, respectively a long way off, and only in season). Paradoxically, those whose aim is happiness will probably not find it; rather, happiness is the by-product of a life of meaning and purpose, a strong identity and a sense of belonging, fostered by security in a family and community. Happiness is, in one sense, a product of being and doing.
Having made a strong opening above, I need to apply the reassurance that I see little of this habitual behaviour, as outlined above and below, at Shore. My desire is for that to remain the case.
It is an irony that often in the past, parents of schools I have led have insisted that the school produce a child of great resilience, but as part of this formation, decline to allow the child to experience any difficulties or grapple with adversity. Parents who overly micromanage their child and rescue him from all his problems or the natural consequences of his actions may, in a way, be suffocating the child and denying him the opportunity to develop necessary coping skills. Sometimes when the structures and the scaffolds are pulled away at age 18, the young man is unable to stand.
The Happiness Movement has been with us for a while in various guises. In the late 80s and early 90s, it took the form of the drive for self-esteem amongst students. This catch cry was on the lips and in the CVs of many seeking promotion. It was the psychobabble of the time. Of course, we want students to have high self-esteem, but as a salvific panacea it was found wanting. After all, do we really want young people who may do awful things to feel good about it? The Happiness Movement can become its own evangel and telos, a goal pursued out of context, for its own sake.
The self-help books of the Happiness Movement can be found in large measure in most bookshops. The size of the collection indicates the general populace is certainly looking for something in this realm. A flick through them suggests a commonality, a certain flavour which sometimes may make illusory promises. They certainly do not appear to have the imprimatur of academic peer review. Similarly, there is no shortage of consultants offering wonderful quick-fire inputs to schools and their students, for a hefty fee. Schools need to distinguish between those who are outstanding in their excellence (there are certainly some of these) and those who are charlatans, selling snake oil solutions.
Happily, if you will excuse the pun, these days notions of psychological good and strength are more robust. In schools like Shore, we aim at Wellbeing, an all-embracing concept which is evidence based, according to well authenticated research. Therefore, it seems to me that at Shore, our programmes for boys will deliver better than most on the happiness indices. We provide a rich suite of opportunities, curricular, co-curricular, sport, character and Christian formation, in a wonderful symbiotic relationship where the elements combine to satiate a boy’s sense of significant striving, meaning, purpose and outcome. We want to future-proof boys in that they are whole people in every sense, with skills of critical and creative thinking, discernment, character and values, indeed, virtues, ongoing connections (with excellent school peers) and a plethora of cultural and sporting opportunities to continue as they wish.
It may well be that happiness is a meaningless concept outside of community and without experience of its opposite. The suggestion that a boy or man should never be sad is, on inspection, nonsensical. There is much in the world about which it is absolutely reasonable and natural, even necessary to be sad. There is much to be sad about in all of us.
It seems to me that there is a higher plane than happiness. It is the Biblical concept of contentment. “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” (Philippians 4:11-12). The import here is having sufficient grounding to maintain personal equilibrium despite immediate circumstances. It is longer and deeper than happiness, over a wider scope than the immediate, not easily capsized by adversity. It is a form of resilience. For the Apostle Paul, his contentment was founded in his knowledge of and faith in Jesus.
On the day this particular edition of the Shore Weekly Record is being published, our Housemasters are in conference with our Acting Deputy Head Pastoral Care, Mr Champion. Their agenda is more far-reaching than happiness. It focuses on our Wellbeing initiatives over the continuum of Years 7 to 12. These proactive initiatives will be sequenced and scaffolded according to age and stage, essentially appropriate to the maturation of each young person at Shore.
Do I want your child to be happy? Yes, emphatically, absolutely, but as a by-product of, in a deep sense, who and what he is and what he does. It is one of the great ironies of life that there is more happiness in giving than receiving (as Jesus himself pointed out). This awareness is a part of the engine of our Service Learning projects, which aim to change lives, not just for the recipients but for those who serve and give of themselves. Even more than wanting your child to be happy, I want him to be content, i.e. with a life full of riches (I don’t mostly mean money) and contentment, which will be formative in a well-rounded and highly competent individual.
Dr John Collier
Headmaster