Pressing The SWR’s Writers

A (Blue and White) Insights into the Souls of the SWR’s Writers for 2024.

B. N. Dent

AND JUST LIKE THAT, MY TENURE AS A SHORE WEEKLY RECORD WRITER COMES TO A CLOSE. Back when I was just a gremlin in Year 9, I remember submitting my first article about my then failing football club, Arsenal, to former editor Mesake Taulawakeiaho. I blinked. And now my involvement with the SWR has reached its final stage. It’s a good thing we don’t have to handwrite our articles, because then you would be able to see the dark outlines of teardrops on these pages as I get a bit nostalgic. Just kidding, I’m a sigma and have learnt to suppress my emotions.

Whilst writing for the paper, one of the invaluable benefits that I didn’t foresee was the connections that I developed with fellow writers. Reading the articles that my peers produced and discussing the ideas they presented week in, week out allowed me to gauge a better grasp of who they really are as a person. There is definitely something to be said for the increased authenticity of one’s voice when they put pen to paper.

So, to crystalise my newfound enlightenment of the true nature of the SWR Writers for 2024, I thought what better way than to share these ideas in the paper. After all, one of the best ways of solidifying information is to try and explain the ideas to others. To offer you the deepest insights into some of the SWR writers of 2024, I have asked them carefully crafted questions that challenge their humanity in the ultimate way and should hopefully provide you with a better understanding of the boys behind the words that you have been reading this year. It’s ironic; I’ve been writing for the paper for three years, and it’s only in my last article that I finally decided to do something that resembles actual journalism. Nevertheless, let’s have a look at some of the responses.

M. Kwak 

What do you ask the boy who, apart from a sharp jawline, pretty much has it all? A deep philosophical question perhaps, one that seeks to capitalise on his fierce intellect. No, that’s too obvious…

Question: What is your favourite brain rot and how has it influenced your approach to life?

Response: The notion of aura has redefined my ontology, catalysing an insatiable desire for self-improvement to reach the zenith of human potentiality. It’s an oxymoron to call it brain rot; rather than cerebral decay, it has expanded and constructed neural pathways as I meticulously maintain an ongoing count of my net aura for the day. It has motivated pro-social and pro-human behaviours (including but not limited to: keeping my bag zipper closed, maintaining basic coordination and mogging brad).

How Mike felt writing this response.

C. Vujanovic 

In the eyes of many in my year group, Callum is a bit of an enigma. Randomly spawning in Year 11, he quickly engrained himself within the school life, participating in a wide array of extra-curricular activities. With his well-mannered personality, neat appearance, direct way of conversing and sleeper physique, he emulates somewhat of a Patrick Bateman. So, how can you weed out a psychopath…

Question: How do you make decisions when under pressure?

Response: Pressure is relative. I try to challenge myself daily with difficult tasks under pressure so that ‘tough decisions’ just become normal decisions. It’s like living in a perpetual, high-stakes thriller.

Unfortunately, the only sufficient answer to that question is to flip a coin. Any form of calculation or rational thinking is the sign of a meticulous person and therefore a psychopath.

M. Kim

Max has touched on some pressing issues this year, including the omnipresence of the blue tie hunt and the stresses of exam periods. Some were so pressing that they did not make it to the press…

Question: If you could have an article published that would headline the New York Times, and it wasn’t allowed to be censored, what would you write about?

Response: Brad has asked me to write a “30 word response that is comedic”. Some people might think my articles are satirical (such as a certain English teacher…), but I think Michael Leunig best illuminates my own sentiments towards the creative process when describing his work “JOMO” as “entirely sincere and true to my life and feelings”. I don’t think I’ve ever been a satirist or comedic writer. Nevertheless…is it bad that the funniest thing I can think of writing about is skibidi toilet lore? (it’s so over for me).

T. George

Upon posting a meme in the English group chat in Year 11, in fear of being caught by our teacher, TEEG made the decision to self-report with the idea that it would present him with more humility. A truly historic moment that will never be forgotten by those in 11ENA1…

Question: What is the best life lesson that you gained from playing Among Us?

Response: I’ve learned many things from Among Us. How to be a critical thinker, or perchance, the importance of communication. But the most valuable lesson actually stems from what Among Us failed to teach me – the importance of integrity. Deceit will drive you away from your crewmates. Lies will lead to back stabbings. More often than not, you’ll just get thrown off the ship. So maybe it isn’t too bad to self-report.

A real still of TEEG whilst cooking up this poetic response.

H. Longstaff

This year, Hamish has written about a variety of pertinent issues, particularly to do with the future outlook of humanity such as the transition to a green economy and the opportunities of space exploration…

Question: Has short form content like insta reels and TikTok hindered our generation’s ability to prolong the existence of humanity? 

Response: Well, if our attention spans get any shorter, we might forget to breathe altogether. But hey, at least we’ll have Subway Surfers and soap cutting videos to keep us entertained! Imagine the future: humanity saved by oddly satisfying content and endless game loops. Our descendants might look back and thank us for perfecting the art of 15-second storytelling. Who needs a prolonged existence when you can go viral instead? 

D. Kang

Deek served as the Society and Politics Editor for the SWR this year. On top of that, his study of King Henry IV in English this past term has made him quite the Machiavellian figure, so I would assume that he has some wisdom to offer us in the world of politics.

Question: Which Shore boy would you back to win the 2024 presidential race in the U.S.?

Response: Watching the presidential debates has left me with the impression that old age doesn’t really do you good. Who else but our Sports Editor and beloved Robson House Captain TEEG embodies the springtime of youth the best? With his politically astute ability to perform in transpositional settings of school and the tavern (for those of you who have/will read King Henry), I have no doubt he would lead the U.S. to a Golden Age.

A. Li

Among many impressive achievements, one thing that is widely known about Alan across the Year 12 cohort is his cooked sleep schedule. I’ve heard rumours that he once went an entire exam block without sleeping…

Question: Are there any absurdist thoughts that come into your mind in the depths of the night that you think would resonate with the whole school?

Response: It’s obvious that sleeping is a myth propagated by the government to keep you trapped in the matrix. Regardless, an absurd thought was that if I’m always tired and sleep-deprived, maybe I’m not tired after all? To overcome this Sisyphean struggle, maybe I need to sleep even less so that I’ll be grateful for the sleep I did manage to get the previous night. 

Interesting take Alan – the Sisyphean struggle with sleep is sure to be a universal plight faced by Shore boys. Scientific advice seems to differ on that one…we would recommend our readers get the maximal amount of sleep before their exams. Personally, often when writing I write SWR student articles on Sunday night (sometimes leaking into Monday morning), my mind would also drift towards some obscure thoughts. I would ponder whether there was a higher chance that my article would be read by a Shore boy or a cockroach who inhabits the nearest rubbish bin on Blue Street. Retrospectively, regardless of who my audience would turn out to be in the end, it was all worth it. 

The accumulation of yap that has been growing in my room over the last year.