Do’s And Don’ts For New Shore Boys

Helpful Advice From Some of the Most Seasoned Veterans at Shore

M. D. Kwak

DO wear your boater to bed and pull your socks up at home, to be a rule-abiding Shore boy. 

DO ask Mr Leeds and Mr Middleton when the HSC starts.

DO get involved in School activities (debating trials start this week!).

DO fight the temptation to fall asleep when Mr Jennings dims the lights and puts on a doco about the Aztecs.

DO plan every minute of your life with Ms Doran’s most esteemed blue diary (or write NHS).

DO learn the art of cryptic crosswords from Dr Stobo whilst enjoying one of his many anecdotes.

DO lament how the history department has replaced teaching the sigma Roman Empire (Hannibal, Scipio, Cato the Elder) with beta ancient Egypt (King Tut who?).

DO dabble in ecofeminist and post-structuralist theory to ace your Fantastic Mr Fox English essay (some Greek words won’t hurt either).

DO familiarise yourself with the infamy of your amazing teachers – such as the safari adventures of a certain economics teacher who wrote and sang indie-rock bangers with a nascent Tim Freedman.

DO read the SWR religiously and send in your contributions including articles, letters to the Editor and complaints about misleading advice.

DON’T call your teachers ‘mum’ – Sadly, this isn’t the prep/primary school anymore.

DON’T light bonfires in science class and DON’T synthesise pure rocket fuel or concoct bright yellow minion juice (for those interested: mix lead nitrate with potassium iodide).

DON’T skip chapel to nap in the music prac’ rooms.

DON’T tell Mr Payne that rock music is useless and proceed to sword fight with guitars.

DON’T let your UI or PD escalate to a drill, then a Friday.

DON’T start a brawl in the tucky line for last picks of that succulent traveller’s pie.

DON’T question Mr Fitisemanu’s illustrious and carefully-constructed cult of personality that spans all the way from USyd to the Wenona English department (you will be swiftly disappeared).

DON’T cop the first drills of Year 7 because you didn’t pack up properly in art class (an illustrious record set by J O’Shea and T Noakes).

DON’T suggest to Mr Fletcher that the Google Suite and Apple Macbooks are anything but inferior to the Microsoft apps and INKABLE Surface Pros (Constant Teams-checking has irrevocably tanked my productivity and destroyed my work-life balance – just kidding 😊).