Al Dente Geometric Incarnations

Best and Worst Pasta Configs.

C. D. Michel

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, the question that has been pondering my mind for the past week is, “What is the best shape of pasta?”. I doubt you’ve ever had the time to even think about the mildly philosophical question, however, recently, while daydreaming in class, I stumbled upon this endless tangent that has truly opened my eyes to the vastness of the ‘pasta realm’. So, I thought I’d share with you some pasta wisdom (I don’t know whether it’s wisdom or brainless thoughts I’ve collated over the past week). 

E-Tier: Rotelle or ‘Wheel pasta’ is the only type of pasta that deserves to be in the pits. This pasta just screams immaturity. Are we babies? Do we need to have multi-coloured pasta in the shape of car wheels? Besides that, Rotelle is too big for a singular pasta and thus clunky to pick up with a fork. If you have any desire to eat quickly, you’re better off eating with a spoon, and even God knows that eating pasta with a spoon is a cardinal sin.

D-Tier: Ziti, Rigatoni, Macaroni, Ditalini, Cavatappi, elbow pasta…This subsection of pasta consists of the ‘mac and cheese’ kinds of pasta. These pasta have little holes in the middle of them to fill with creamy American cheese. In my opinion, these are a definite pass. 

C-Tier: Lasagna, Manicotti, Pacheri, Cannelloni. Despite having a bad shape, they are well delivered. These ‘pastas’ are way too large, and by themselves are lacking. Yes, I understand a good meal can be made from all four of these kinds of pasta; however, if left plain, these pastas are too large to consume succinctly. Moreover, these pastas are not very versatile. It’s the same dish each time; for example, lasagne can be cooked into a lasagne dish, nothing else. These pastas are also lacking due to their inability to be easily transported into a Shore boy’s lunch: Try fitting a lasagne bake into a thermos. How inconsiderate and unthoughtful these pastas are, thus C-Tier. 

B-tier: These are my ‘not-pasta’ pastas. This tier consists of Spaghetti, Angel Hair, Linguine, etc. While these options are classic and delicious, they seem more like Italian ‘noodles’ rather than pasta. Apart from their elongated aspect, these kinds of pasta are solid and satisfying when consumed, especially due to their ability to be curled by a fork.

A-tier: These are the main characters. I’m not sure about you, but if pasta were people, Rotini, Penne, and Farfalle would be like Ron Weasley, Harry Potter, and Hermoine Granger, respectively. They are nice and simple. Everyone enjoys them. They’re easy to pick up with a fork, bite-sizeable, not-too chewy, and they go well with every sauce (for example, Pesto, tomato, tuna, Alfredo, Bolognese, mustard, and chocolate, just to name a few).

S-Tier: Gnocchi, Ravioli, and Orecchiette. While these are not the main characters and they’re no Harry Potter, Hermoine or Ron, I would probably compare them to Nick Crompton, Chance Sutton and Jake Paul. They’re pretty hype (I’m sorry). They can turn something that is quite bland into a masterpiece. In all seriousness, these pasta have unique ways of encapsulating sauce and flavour in every bite. Gnocchi is like little dumplings, flavoursome little potatoes that dissolve in your mouth. Ravioli or ‘Pillow-pasta’ – (Clearly the superior name), are little packets of diverse flavours. It can be filled with pumpkin, meat, cheese, vegetables, you name it. Whatever the dish is, there will be a ravioli variant that will accompany it well. Last but not least, Orecchiette. Their ‘little-ear ’-like shape acts like a net scooping up sauce, making sure each bite is filled with flavour. They’re nice and small, and each bite contains both quantity and quality pasta.

So, if anyone ever asks you your favourite pasta, I think you are now overly-informed to answer this transcending, metaphysical question.

Naomi from Trip Advisor in Italy eating Pasta