Ms Rachel Pickering – My Reflections On What It Is To Be A “Young Man”

As we steamroll into the end of the term, get displaced from our house and start singing Christmas Carols in Chapel, I reflect on my year, its highs and lows and how I have grown.  One of the things I have wrestled with this year is the condition of the ‘young man’ in our society.  I have written down my thoughts below:

From the Spartans to John Locke, all thinkers and cultures have had a predisposition to fear for the fate of their young men.  The reason, I think, is twofold. Firstly, young men are objectified as a representation of their society.  All that is seen as ‘good’ in them is seen as the inherent good of their context.  All that is perceived as ‘bad’, is seen as a manifestation of the weaknesses and fears of a society.  The recent proclivity to label young men as ‘toxic’, is in fact an articulation of social fears of increasing violence and self-interestedness amidst changing values and an uncertain future.  Young men take on the brunt of societies fears, they are objectified and labelled and have huge expectations, even if implicit, to be worthy of alleviating fears and ‘fixing’ the future.  This is entirely unreasonable from my observation, the burden causes either apathy, anger or anxiety – heightened by the fact that these young men are living in a cultural wasteland with an absence of ‘manhood rituals’ which signify maturity (explained very insightfully by Tim Winton).

Secondly, to try to grasp the difference and definition of what it is to be a young man is like trying to grasp hold of smoke.  We like neat definitions; young men do not fit in them.  They can be paradoxically gentle and wild, focused and bouncing off the walls, surrounded by friends and incredibly isolated.  This is in part due to the need to impose power to hide uncertainty and vulnerability, to stake claims of safety and value.  Young men are, I suppose, heightened human beings, they feel things powerful and search for meaning obsessively, but do not always have the means, know-how or aptitude to find them in the healthiest ways (like everyone else).

Both these points lead to a tone of mistrust and fear and a sense of ‘the other’.  How do we remove these obstacles?  Transcend culture, objectification and uncertainty – focus on individual relationships.  So then, as a teacher who works in boarding and lives very joyfully with 61 teenage boys, what can I say?  Thank you to each and every one of you for your kindness, humour and respect.  Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives and to support you in your growth.  Thank you for a brilliant year, I can’t wait for another one to come… after the holidays.”