Managing Online Life

There is no doubt that managing phone and internet use is difficult- our own included! We are regularly contacted by parents who are concerned about their daughter’s technology use, social media and the impact that a young person’s online life is having on their relationships. And while we have guest speakers for parents, as well as providing education for students in the Primary and Secondary School, I thought it would be helpful to provide parents with some resources to explore at the beginning of the year so that you feel better equipped and able to support your child as you navigate “online life”.

Keeping your child safe online

One of the most common questions we are asked is how a parent can keep their child safe online. Safer Internet Day takes place on February 9 this year and the eSafety Commissioner is running a webinar throughout February to support parents. The webinar will cover:

• starting conversations with your child about their online friendships and positive ways to deal with changing relationships
• understanding the rights, laws and community expectations that govern social media use
• where to seek help if your child is involved in a cyberbullying incident.

Find out more and register here.

You might also find it helpful to understand ways you can put in place parental controls and other ways to manage the content your child might access and there are some good guidelines and information.  This is something we are often asked about and this page provides a wealth of information.

Social media

Parents also contact us to talk about particular apps and what they see happening on them. From Tik-Tok to Instagram, AskFM to Omegle, young people will access a range of apps and it is important to know what these are and how they work. Equally so, it is important to talk to your child about the age rating and requirements, the private information that they may (often unwittingly) share, whether they know how to use the privacy settings to block people or if the app allows users to report unwanted or abusive behaviour. Reach Out, for example, has created a guide to Instagram for parents which has some simple but very helpful information about this app. The guide provides information about privacy settings, ways to assist your child to manage their time on social media apps, and how to have the conversations with your child about social media. You can access the guide here. The eSafety Commissioner as well as Connect Safely also have a lot of information about popular apps young people use.

Group chats can also present difficulties, even when a young person thinks that they know and trust everybody in the chat. Girls can be left out on purpose, or people that they do not know added without everyone’s permission, and they are often used as a forum to discuss issues that should be handled face-to-face and not in front of a large audience! Therefore, help your daughter to understand the importance of behaving online in the same way that they would in person, especially when you first give them a device. This could include discussing what they think is appropriate behaviour in a friendship, identifying what might upset them or feel unkind so that they are aware of what behaviours might be inappropriate, and giving them strategies for what to do if they find themselves in a situation that feels hurtful, when they know that someone is being excluded, or where they find themselves in conflict with someone else.

Being an upstander

Lastly, children and young people will see and do things online that we cannot prevent, no matter how many rules or parental controls we put in place. Sometimes this will be an active choice, and at other times completely out of their control. However, in the same way that you would have conversations with your child about friendships, personal safety, consent or risk-taking, for example, so too should regular and age-appropriate conversations be happening about these issues in the online world.

Sometimes it is hard not to speak with judgement or disappointment when you tackle these topics but avoid this if you can. We want all children and young people to feel like they can talk to a parent or trusted adult if things go wrong or when they feel like they might need some advice about how to handle something that they have seen or been involved in. This will build their confidence and help them to be upstanders in situations where they, or another person, are experiencing discomfort, abuse or bullying online.

The School Diary also has information about how to report online bullying or abuse, and this information is readily available from the eSafety Commissioner too. Your daughter should be able to report directly to the app and have material taken down, but if this does not occur the eSafety Commissioner will work directly with the app or online platform.

Some top tips:

• Establish clear rules and boundaries about screen time and technology use that everyone in the family agrees to and upholds. Including them in this process can be very helpful! Agree on what the consequences will be for breaking rules and follow through.
• Keep phones out of bedrooms. Have a central place in the home where all phones are placed at an agreed upon time for the rest of the evening.
• Know what apps your daughter has on her phone and talk to her about these in an open, interested manner.
• Help your daughter to be an upstander. Talk regularly about what behaviour is acceptable and help your daughter to recognise when something doesn’t feel right, including constructive ways that she can respond.
• Lastly, as a family create regular time for activities that are not screen-based.

Bethany Lord
Director of Pastoral Care