Navigating the Digital Age:
Insights and Reflections on Parenting and Technology
From the Deputy Head of College, Mr Mark Case
This week marks the first anniversary of the publication of Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Anxious Generation. One year on, we have seen a remarkable cultural change take place across the world. As Jonathan Haidt wrote last week on LinkedIn:
“In just one year, we’ve seen an extraordinary wave of growing awareness and action. Parents, educators, students, legislators, and community leaders have stopped accepting the status quo. Schools, states, and entire countries are implementing phone-free schools policies, and Australia raised the age for opening social media accounts to 16. Parents are delaying smartphones and social media in childhood and are setting new boundaries around technology in their families.”
To mark the anniversary, Jonathan Haidt has released this free talk for parents and schools, in which he shares the research underpinning his work, as well as tools to bring about change.
This week the limited TV series Adolescence became one of Netflix’s all-time most popular TV shows with 96.7million views to date. The show raises important, challenging, and uncomfortable questions about the raising of children in the digital age. This hyper-real show (each episode is one continuous shot) raises questions, without preaching or providing answers. Nevertheless, there are some important lessons here for parents – aside from the obvious importance of keeping devices out of bedrooms.
Delaying, Then Monitoring Digital Influences
Children and young people can be exposed to toxic content and ideologies online more easily than we think. This week, an article in The Guardian demonstrated how misogynistic context is being normalised on social media app TikTok and bypassing control measures, by being rebranded as ‘self-improvement’. This only strengthens the case that children should not have access to social media below the age of 16. Only last week an article in The Conversation expressed a growing concern about the monetisation of children in online games such as Roblox, and that they could become a gateway to online gambling.
Open Communication
The show underscores the importance of maintaining open lines of communication with our children. By fostering an environment where they feel safe to share their experiences and concerns, we can better support them in navigating the digital world. This starts from an early age. I would recommend those with older children (Year 10 and above) considering whether they should watch the show together, as a means of opening a conversation.
Setting Boundaries
Encouraging children to take regular breaks from screens and engage in offline activities can help them develop a healthier relationship with technology. Establishing family rules around screen time and social media use can promote balance and wellbeing (“Stay Fit” in one of our wellbeing principles at Oxley). As Jonathan Haidt’s work shows, since 2010 hospital data shows fewer admissions of young people with broken limbs, but a sharp rise in self-harm and mental illness. Establishing family rules around screen time and social media use can promote balance and well-being.
Positive Role Models
It takes a village to raise a child. It is quite common for teenage to reject the advice of a parent, but to take the same advice from an adult who isn’t! This is the same for praise and criticism (“Well of course you say that you’re my mum/dad!”). In the absence of role models, teenagers may find their own online in the wealth of ‘influencers’. Encouraging them to find/follow those who model the values we share, such as kindness, empathy, and authenticity – in the real world (and the online world) – is important.
Parenting in 2025 is Seriously Hard
I think it is important to acknowledge this. Even for the Millennials (not to mention those of us who are Gen Xers), navigating all of this can be bewildering, overwhelming and exhausting. The issues today are different from even five years ago. There is a powerful moment in the show when the detective realises that he is completely out of touch with the language of emjois and texting that his son and his friends use. Working in partnership with other parents, the school and the points above can help. For those with older children it may feel that the emerging evidence of the impact of social media and smartphones on the development of children and young people has come too late. However, we can make decisions now around the above points that can have a positive impact.
In my previous article I invited parents to provide feedback on our smartphone and social media policy, specifically the ban on smartphones at any school event for students below Year 9. I am grateful to all those parents who took the time to share their experiences and views.
Whilst the overwhelming feedback was very positive and parents are supportive of the change, we also received some feedback about the limitations of the policy and its implementation, notably in the Senior School. There are some concerns about how the ban on smartphones below Year 9 is implemented on Saturday sports buses as well as in and around the bus bay after school. These are issues we are working to address. Whilst many Year 7 parents are grateful for the smartphone ban, some are worried about the possible social exclusion of their children by their peers who either have a smartphone or social media access at home. There is also a concern about the BYOD laptop policy from Year 5 upwards, and the access this can provide to social media.
I would like to share some of the feedback we have received.
“It has supported our decision to delay giving our son in Year 7 a smartphone and thereby the discussion on when they can have social media apps has also been delayed. We are able to compare the difference of having a smartphone or not in year 7 [with our older child/ren]. Without the smartphone, our son has had much less distractions particularly after school and on weekends. I would like to thank the school for taking this approach and we have definitely seen the benefits in our family.”
“I don’t agree with the rule. It’s about how phone use is managed. Children need to be taught how to use phones, social media and technology appropriately not restricted otherwise they will find a way to engage in whatever it is that they are lacking. I also believe it is a parental decision as to when they give their child a phone and access to certain apps, I don’t believe this is a school’s responsibility.”
“I love that I now can say ‘There’s no point until after Year 9!’ when I’m asked, ‘When can we have a phone?’”
“I’m extremely happy – the policy has supported delaying my Year 7 child from getting a smartphone. I really wish I had the opportunity to take back the time my Year 10 daughter has had it.”
“This is a big seller for us to Oxley. It takes away all the hassle of parenting this issue as you have made the rules for us. Thank you!”
“I want to applaud Oxley in taking this step, making life a little easier for those parents who choose to put healthy boundaries in, that will ultimately let a child grow up without extra ‘hang ups’ later in life. Well done Oxley. Good move.”
“Strongly approve of the school policy and while it doesn’t directly impact my children hugely, I’ve seen the positive impacts even at sporting events on weekends. Bravo”
“We chose not to give our [child] a smartphone…to support the school’s policy, but I have noticed that…friends use smartphones outside of school. Social events are all shared through social media, so my [child] is now being excluded. All of these phones were given to the students at Christmas despite the policy, which is disappointing because we thought other families would support the policy better.”
“We have been fully supportive of the mobile phone policy. While our son has a ‘dumb’ phone for use at school, he does have access to a smart phone at home. This smartphone is mostly used for messaging apps such as messenger kids and you tube. He does not have any social media accounts or access to snap chat. What has been interesting for us is that he is nowhere near as ‘attached’ to his phone as we thought he would be, he often doesn’t even bother to bring it to school! This is a huge contrast to his peers who attended other schools in the local area. We are so proud to tell people about Oxley’s policy and they are often very envious of having such support from the school.”
“For our year 7 child we have delayed providing them with a smartphone. They find the dumb phone too annoying to use so often ignore it and leave it at home. They are definitely less addicted to devices than our year 9 child who was given a smartphone in year 7. The year 7 child has not felt like they are missing out at all. I’m grateful to the school for helping remove the peer pressure of having social media. It will be interesting to see what happens when we allow them smart phones in the future.”
“Over the holidays it was positive but have noticed it’s moved to using a laptop instead a bit more after school. I do think my child has stopped communicating (texting) with friends, it’s the main downside, otherwise just positive. I’ve been trying to encourage calling friends instead of texting but it’s not so easy as his friends seem to text and don’t call….so a different challenge but happy with the policy it’s been 95% positive to remove smartphone. Thank you for doing it!!”
“I could not be more proud to be part of the Oxley community in relation to its approach to smartphones and social media, with the school taking a brave and progressive approach, in being one of the first-mover schools in proactively tackling this issue head on. When Oxley tells its students and their parents that it “cares for the whole child”, these are the kinds of policies and approaches that truly reinforce that philosophy.”
“For our daughter in Year 10, it has reinforced our guidance as parents. Without that school’s policy, it had been harder to explain withholding a phone, social media from our daughter. I am grateful that we may feel more supported imposing the same approach (no phone until Year 9) with our other children.”
There is still work to be done in this space and it is not without its problems and challenges. The reality is that the management of digital technologies and social media will continue to be the greatest parenting challenge for years to come and will continue to evolve with the technology. It is whole-community enterprise, involving parents, schools, and governments. It is complex. We need to ensure our students develop the capabilities and skills to use digital technologies ethically and effectively, but mindful of the emerging evidence about the impact of those technologies on their social, emotional, and cognitive development. It remains to be seen what impact government legislation will have on those social media companies whose business model is predicated on algorithms that will keep all of us, and our children, on their platforms as frequently and as long as possible.
At Oxley, we are clear about our whole child approach to education. Our wellbeing framework consists of evidence-based principles for human flourishing, derived from positive psychology but contextualised for our school. Being connected to peers, teachers, and the school’s values (“Build Connections”) – generates a sense of belonging – a key protective factor from online isolationism, the superficiality of online ‘friends’ and the appeal of [anti-] social media influencers. The principle to “Be Authentic” counters the hyper-filtered (often literally) portrayal of self and the reliance on external validation that social media encourages.
Guest speakers at school have a place – and we will continue to with providers such as ySafe who provide outstanding workshops for students, parents and staff – as does curriculum- based teaching in PDHPE and Cornerstone about these matters, but more important is the culture of a school. A key part of that at Oxley is the promotion of our values of Show Courage, Be Kind, Seek Wisdom. In my view, a values-based education has never been more important.
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Cornerstone Conversations – Thursday 3 April
It is not too late to sign up! Dr Jeremy Hall, our Head of Philosophy & Ethics and the Oxley College Centre for Ethics, and I are excited to present our first “Cornerstone Conversations” evening tomorrow, Thursday 3 April, at 5.30pm in Room 31.
The session will offer an insight into our Cornerstone program, with tomorrow night focusing on a unit called “What is a Good Life?”. You will get a hands-on experience of the discussions and activities our students enjoy. Light refreshments will be provided.