Building Resilience in our Students
Miss Jane Campion, Head of Junior School
I Don’t Want to……I Can’t. Do I Have To……I Am Too Tired…I Don’t Know How To…….Tears and Sad Faces.
Have we all heard these phrases before? Yes, I hear you say. How we as adults react to them will affect the next step a child makes. If we respond too softly, then we are creating a habit and the child will repeat the same behaviour knowing that we will not want to see them out of their comfort zone or indeed, being challenged.
I remember as a child being told “if you eat your brussels sprouts/chokos/vegies, you can have dessert”, so I begrudgingly ate them because I love ice-cream! Hmm, then I reached the ‘fitness phase’ where I was conscious that I needed to be on top of my game and so watched how much ice-cream I ate.
My point is that I had no resilience, my life was a lot of little negotiations to make our family’s world a calmer place. As an adult, I love vegies and they are more often than not my food of choice. Enough about me!
We want our children to be confident and brave and to know that we would never ask them to do things that are unsafe or hurtful.
All life and work experiences are for personal growth. There will be challenges and things that we initially just don’t want to do but they are part of life and we need to have a go and we are usually surprised to find they are actually quite enjoyable after all.
Some things to consider when we are helping children develop better resilience are the following:
* Skill set – having the ability to know how to handle stressful situations effectively. It requires the skills to face these challenges on occasions, having the opportunity to practise these skills so that the child develops competence. Our teachers immerse our children in our UR Strong and Grow Your Mind programs throughout the year to support students in developing a wide repertoire of coping skills (social skills, stress reduction skills). Children are then able to cope more effectively and are better prepared to overcome life’s challenges.
* Self-confidence – at Oxley, teachers identify each child’s strengths and as they demonstrate their competence in challenging situations, they gain confidence and are self-motivated to overcome their challenges.
* Community identity – children who feel part of a community on top of their close family bond and ties to friends will be more likely to have stronger values and less likely to seek out alternative inappropriate behaviours or develop anxieties. Children need to know that at school, they are part of a ‘big picture’ and their actions can have consequences – they need to think about how their reaction affects others. This ‘connection’ ensures children feel a valued and important community member.
* Connection – children with close ties to friends, family, and community groups are likely to have a stronger sense of security and sense of belonging. These children are more likely to have strong values and are less likely to seek out alternative destructive behaviours. In our groups, we foster a sense of belonging and we discuss ways your children can strengthen their ties by being a good friend, a caring family member, and an important community member.
* Core values – children with “character” enjoy a strong sense of self-worth and confidence. They are in touch with their values and are comfortable sticking to them. They can demonstrate a caring attitude towards others. They have a strong sense of right and wrong and are prepared to make wise choices and contribute to the world.
* Positive choices – when children realise that they have control over their decisions and actions, they are more likely to know how to make choices in a way that they can bounce back from life’s challenges. We provide children a sense that they have choices – on how they wish to think and act, and that they can determine results based on these choices.
As parents, these are all things you can do at home to support your child’s development of resilience. Facing challenges can be difficult but they are an important part of growth and in the moment, it may be difficult but helping your child to understand that there are things they must do as part of life, can really go a long way in developing their confidence and reducing their anxiety.
P.S. Junior School Athletics Carnival was a huge success and a great opportunity for children to build their resilience!
Miss Jane Campion
Head of Junior School