Welcome to the Company, Employee!
After a review of your qualifications, we have decided to give you the job so many [DECEASED] employees dream about. You may be wondering, what is the company? Why do you want this job? And why does [NO ONE COME BACK]?
Well, we’re glad you asked, so please remember the following guidelines as to ensure the safety of your own person and fellow co-workers.
You and up to 3 co-workers will be deployed onto different moons of your choice. Your mission? Collect useless scrap and/or other items of value! After the 3 days given to you to fulfill your profit quota, you will be retrieved and sent back to 71-Gordion. On this safe and peaceful planet, you will offer your items to [REDACTED] and in turn will receive your paycheck.
Be aware that the moons that you arrive at have been abandoned and may contain hazardous materials, unpredictable weather conditions and [CREATURES].
*File corrupted error*
Your fellow employees are vital to fulfilling your [UNOBTAINABLE] quota. Standard employee rules include:
- All for one and one for all! You will be fined in the event of employee [DEATH] injury.
- Maintain contact! Please ensure you keep up communications between employees. It is vital to watch out for each other, especially when loot is in sight!
- Monitor duty! All standard company drone ships come equipped with terminals. These advanced computers will help monitor the whereabouts of company workers, loot, potential [THEY ALWAYS HUNT YOU] hazards and semi-active defences. Advanced company software can help deactivate said defences and/or open secure doors.
- Be aware of time! To minimise company losses, drone ships will always land at 8AM, and will subsequently leave at 12PM. Please watch your inbuilt clocks, otherwise you will have to wait for your [THEY AREN’T COMING] eventual rescue.
- Have fun! You’re part of the company! Smile! [NO ONE LEAVES]
Now that you are up to date with company standards, it’s time to get to work!
At the end- the end of all things…
Remember,
[WE LOVE THE COMPANY]
[SIGURDSIGURDSIGURDSIGURDSIGURDSIGURDSIGURD]
Further company information can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f28nKLp-eKg
Thomas C, Year 11