From the Deputy Head of Junior School – Wellbeing

URStrong – how to help your daughter handle mean on purpose behaviour?

When your daughter encounters mean on purpose behaviour, it can be a very upsetting experience. As a parent, how you respond can significantly affect your child’s ability to handle and learn from these situations.

As part of our URStrong program we teach the girls to give a quick comeback and report the behaviour to enlist assistance. Quick reporting, at the time of the mean on purpose behaviour, is the most effective way to resolve the situation. And usually provides the most accurate retelling of the incident.

As parents usually hear about it after the incident (usually in the evening), one helpful approach is to teach your child to view the situation with empathy and understanding. Viewing the situation from a different perspective can depersonalise the situation and take away the emotive reaction, which is helpful for your child.

Encourage Perspective-Taking

Listen Attentively

Begin by giving your child your undivided attention. Listen to them talk about what happened without interrupting. This demonstrates that you take their concerns seriously and validates their feelings. A comment, such as ‘it sounds like that made you sad/angry’ or ‘that sounds hurtful’.

Ask Insightful Questions

Once they have shared their story, help them consider the situation from the other person’s perspective. A key question to ask is: ‘What do you think this might tell us about the other kid?’

Explore Possible Reasons

Prompt your child to think about why someone might act hurtfully. For example, the other child might be facing personal issues, such as family problems or feeling excluded. Discuss these possibilities to help your child see that unkind behaviour often reflects the other person’s struggles, not a flaw in your child.

Teach Empathy and Understanding

Use this moment to talk about empathy. Understanding others’ feelings and situations can help us react more compassionately and less defensively.

Developing Resilience

Reinforce the idea that recognising the personal challenges others face can serve to protect ourselves from being hurt by their actions. It’s like having an emotional shield that enhances our ability to empathise and forgive.

By not taking unkind behaviour personally, your child can better navigate challenging peer situations while maintaining their self-esteem. Keep in mind that if your child is experiencing continued mean on purpose behaviour or bullying from others, you may need to step in and be more involved in finding a long-term solution.

Working with the School is vital. Together our partnership can produce the best outcome for our young people.

– Joanne Sharpe
Deputy Head of Junior School – Wellbeing