Michele Marquet, Acting Head of School
Dear Parents and Carers
One of Cranbrook’s underpinning values is respect. As we look around our world, it seems harder today than in the past to see great role models of respect amongst our leaders or people represented in the media. Our students receive very mixed messages about what respect should look and sound like, all the more confusing for them as they grow and develop from childhood to adulthood.
Often when we think of respect in terms of younger people, we consider how they might engage respectfully with those who are older. And that should be – it is very important for our students to demonstrate that respect towards their teachers, parents and the adults they come into contact with both at school and outside of our gates. But, as a school, we also believe that respect should be the cornerstone of how our students relate with their peers too. And that can be a far more challenging goal for them.
Through our wellbeing programmes, we strive to help them understand that none of our differences – whether based on ethnicity, politics, religion, cultural tastes and preferences, or gender – are nearly as significant as the humanity we share. Demonstrable respect for others, peer or otherwise, shows we have grasped the concept that what we have in common as humans far outweighs any differences there may be.
As we talk to our students, most would say they respect others, but we try to help them understand this cannot be true unless it is seen in the way we speak, the words we choose and the actions we take with everyone else, not just those we count as friends. Words and actions: these matter both when the person is in front of us and perhaps even more so these days, when they are not physically present, such as when we might be online. It is also doubtful that our students are truly respectful if they are more focused on being funny at someone else’s expense, than showing kindness. We are so grateful for the support of our families as we try to help their sons build a truly respectful view of other people and understand what that means in terms of how we speak to and about others.
Over this term, we have been trying to help our students’ focus shift to how we can best show respect to others. We have been considering ways we can be positive in our interactions. Questioning whether what comes out of our mouths builds up someone else, or pulls them down, has been a good place to start, as has helping students to see that we all make hundreds of choices about how to interact daily. It can be incredibly empowering to know there are ways we can modify or adjust our choices, moment by moment, to establish habits of daily life that serve the goal of creating greater social harmony in our School and where we live. We also want our students to grasp that being respectful does not mean people can never disagree: learning how to disagree with civility is absolutely vital. It is far more about how we might disagree than the fact of disagreeing. Being respectful is also about how we resolve matters when we have said or done the wrong thing. As our students get older, we recognise the importance of them truly grasping that if we will not apologise or we refuse to see we can make mistakes, it is doubtful that we are being truly respectful.
Respectful kindness is ‘anything we do to show other people that we take them seriously.’ As Australian social commentator, Hugh McKay notes, ‘Nothing says, ‘I take you seriously quite so eloquently, or as kindly, as attentive empathic listening’. Helping our students to be able to stand in someone else’s shoes before they decide to do or say anything in response, is really the key to showing respect in most contexts. Cranbrook should be a place where everyone is respected, and that starts with how we each show respect for one another. For our students, that especially means those who are not their best friends or mates. Our true character is revealed by how we treat those we believe can do nothing for us. We want to challenge our students to consider what is revealed to the world in their treatment of others. Leading through service starts at School by each student using one of the most powerful tools in their possession, their speech, to make life for someone else better, no matter who they might be, by being kind in what they say.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week.
Michele Marquet
Acting Head of School
