Message from Michele Marquet
Dear Parents,
This week, we have celebrated Book Week and yesterday, we thoroughly enjoyed our students (and staff) embracing the opportunity to dress as a favourite book character for our parade. This afternoon, we welcome back our K and Y1’s for a special Books at Bedtime event starting at 5:30pm. Thank you to Megan Light, our Digital Literacy Leader & Teacher-Librarian and Liz de Wit, our Library Technician, for organising a wonderful week of literary celebration.
Next week, our long-awaited JS Production of ‘Fantastic Mr Fox’ will be held with performances on Tuesday and Thursday evening, as well as a matinee on Wednesday afternoon.
On Friday 2 September, from 7.45am, we are looking forward to welcoming important males in our students’ lives to our Fathers’ Day Activities morning. Please see the invitation here explaining how the morning will work.
Below we continue to unpack some of the advice shared by Dr Judith Locke on how we can all best support our boys as they grow up.
So far, we have looked more closely at Resilience and Self-regulation. Today, we will explore the idea of Resourcefulness, another of the five essential skills our children need to foster on their journey to becoming independent, resilient people.
If your child tends to focus on the problem rather than on how they can solve it, or, typically, they expect someone else to fix their problem; or they worry more about the culprit than resolving the issue, they may lack resourcefulness. Children with poor resourcefulness may also give up easily, claiming something is too hard or they are too stupid to do it; they may often feel things are unfair; or perhaps they might focus on their emotional response more than finding a solution. Frequently, they think most disappointments are personal or intentional on the part of the other person.
Resourceful people are able to adjust their actions to suit their situation and do so in such a way that they make things go better for them and those around them. It is more than just ‘coping’. As they adapt to new conditions, they can turn situations around and confidently go with the flow when things do not work out as originally expected. Resourceful people can accommodate last minute news or changes requiring them to problem-solve quickly. These people make the best workmates, partners or friends – they don’t overly dwell on the problem but will look for a solution and move forward.
This type of person sounds fabulous, don’t they? We need more resourceful people in our world! What advice does Judith have for helping us to develop resourcefulness in our own children?
If many of us are honest, we frequently try to help our children when they forget something (lunch, their musical instrument etc.) by taking these items to school for them, or we personally provide the solution to the problem they face. It seems kind – but, in fact, it means our children never learn how to solve problems or take on the responsibility to work things out for themselves. Judith notes:
‘When they solve every challenge, parents give children the mistaken belief that someone else is always the problem-solver and they don’t have to step up.’
If we usually solve problems for them, our children begin to think ‘it’s unfair’ when others don’t likewise help them and, importantly, they don’t begin to develop a ‘what do I need to do here to get on with it’ mindset, so vital for becoming a resourceful adult.
Judith says the key thing parents need to do is to stop solving every problem for their children. She suggests starting small, ignoring smaller challenges, encouraging them to accept the situation or solve the issue themselves. This includes, ignoring them when they moan or pull faces. Until they ask you politely if you could help, do not offer.
As they get older and face more complex problems, Judith advises helping our children to understand how they might approach the issue. This might be identifying who they could go and speak to and what they might say when they do. This is far more empowering than a parent emailing or talking to the other person on their child’s behalf. When the family faces smaller issues, like not having the right ingredients for dinner, include the children in how the family might solve the problem.
Judith also suggests that parents check in with how their child would solve different problems they are likely to face: what would they do if they forgot their sports gear, lunch, homework or musical instrument? If they can manage it without resorting to ringing you and asking you to bring the item to school, leave them to solve these types of issues themselves, even if the consequence involves a small punishment from the teacher. If your child cannot suggest anything reasonable, work through viable options (for example, talk to the teacher, re-do the work at recess). Once you know they have a plan, do not bring their forgotten items to school. This approach strengthens their resourcefulness and their self-regulation skills. It helps our children develop the capacity to turn situations around, cope with hiccups and helps them be the kind of person other people want to spend time with and have on their team.
Kind wishes
Michele Marquet
