Message from Michele Marquet
Dear Parents,
Dr Judith Locke spoke to our P-Y6 families last week and noted that we all want to raise our children to be ‘fully functioning people who enjoy life in the real world, and whose company and contribution the world enjoys.’
There were many interesting ideas and honest observations made by Judith about how we can best support our boys on their journey to becoming independent, resilient people who can, indeed, positively contribute to society and our world.
One idea that really resonated was her timely reminder that in these current pandemic times, the need to help our children develop the following five essential skills is even more critical than normal:
Resilience – our children’s capacity to bounce back from challenge;
Self-regulation – our children’s capacity to resist doing something that is immediately pleasant to them, for a greater future gain;
Resourcefulness – our children’s capacity to adjust their actions to suit the current situation;
Respect – our children’s capacity to give appropriate regard to others, including, but not limited to, those in authority;
Responsibility – our children’s capacity to show that others have value through their actions and behaviour.
When exploring resilience in her excellent book, The Bonsai Student, Judith makes an important point drawn from research: the only way we can help develop this most essential of skills, is to allow our children to face challenges at times, so as ‘to get them used to the discomfort of life not always going their way.’ She wisely suggests that the simplest way to do that is to not always change things in the family to suit the child, if they become upset when things do not go their way. It is best to begin with something small and age appropriate. This might be over a choice of food or object they want; the choice of activity the family will be doing together or the timing of leaving a party or event they are keen to stay at longer. As a parent, it is hard to know how to manage best if they then become upset. Judith advises that the key is to not overreact, but to acknowledge briefly that they might be a bit sad about it, but not to dwell on it or change the outcome. It is developmentally normal for children to express preferences and then feel some frustration when things do not quite go their way. They need to learn how to move themselves on from that feeling and we need to give them space and time to develop that ability by allowing opportunities to practise it.
Another strategy that can foster resilience is to not intervene and solve problems for our children too quickly. When we fix problems for them frequently, without meaning to, we can communicate that we do not believe our children are capable and this can become a fixed mindset for them. A key way to help them develop perseverance is by holding back, allowing them to try and come up with some possible solutions to a problem themselves. There are exceptions to this, if a child is self-harming or damaging property, but generally waiting to help is a strategy that can really work over time. Frequently, teachers use the approach as a learning technique and the positive self-view the child fosters about their capacity to do, solve or fix things builds realistic and genuine confidence in themselves.
We will look at some of the other essential skills over the next few weeks. If you would like to read more about these strategies and approaches, Dr Judith Locke’s books are available to purchase online, and we highly recommend them.
As many of you will now have heard, yesterday, Cranbrook School announced plans to go co-educational in Year 7 and Year 11 in 2026. The timing will give the School’s Senior Management the opportunity to prepare fully for this transition and we are excited about this historical decision.
Kind wishes,
Michele Marquet
Head of Junior School
