Message from Michele Marquet
Dear Parents
We have enjoyed a busy week with Sport, Music and Special Group Photos and the House Spelling Bee underway, as well as Year 6 visiting St Catherine’s for the ‘Write a Book in a Day’. A special thank you to Scott Wells, Kerry Duncan, Genet Erickson-Adam, Tahlia Scheermeijer, Phoebe Wood, Megan Light, Sarah Cleave, Richard Baker and the staff from St Catherine’s for making the Y6 WABIAD such a success for all our Y6 students. Please view below, a gallery of photos taken on the day.
Please remember that next Tuesday, 16 August at 8:30am – 10:30am, all our Junior School parents are warmly invited to attend a special session about how children learn Mathematics during the primary years and how parents can support that learning. This workshop is being conducted by our AIS Mathematics Consultant, Henrietta Miller, and then parents will be able to visit their son’s classroom to share in some of their learning in the areas of Science or Mathematics. We look forward to seeing many of our parents join us on this day.
When Dr Judith Locke spoke to our P-Y6 families at the start of this term, she focused on how we can all best support our boys on their journey to becoming independent, resilient people who will positively contribute to society and our world.
Judith unpacked the need to help our children develop the following five essential skills: Resilience; Self-regulation; Resourcefulness; Respect; and Responsibility.
If your child frequently needs reminders of what to do; if they often do not do what you ask or follow household rules; if they cannot manage their moods and it really impacts your family; if you usually have to sweeten the deal when you ask them to do something or they always blame you when they forget something or are late, they very possibly lack self-regulation skills. Self-regulation is about our children’s capacity to resist doing something that is immediately pleasant to them, for a greater future gain.
In her excellent book, The Bonsai Student, Judith notes self-regulation is really all about delaying gratification, or ‘focusing on the future rather than only on the moment’. Without it, longer term goals in life are exceptionally difficult to achieve: things like university degrees; buying a house or running a successful business. Of course, self-regulation is built in childhood through smaller things – it is almost impossible to develop it from scratch as an adult.
Very young children usually lack self-regulation – under 3 years of age they naturally want instant gratification of most desires, as we probably all know! Somewhere between 3 and 7 years of age, parents will need to help their child foster some self-regulation skills. You can still do this after 7 years of age too – it is just harder.
So how do we foster self-regulation in childhood? Judith suggests that there are two key ways: firstly, as the child grows older, resist always reminding your child of what they need to do. If you constantly remind them, a child does not learn how to remember. Not reminding them will very possibly mean they will bear consequences for not doing their homework or forgetting their instrument, but sometimes those consequences are key to learning how to remember.
The second way to help foster self-regulation is to resist constantly questioning a child about how they feel about upcoming events or activities. Dwelling too much on how a child feels prior to an event or activity can actually escalate their worry, making things harder not easier – especially if the adult is not mainly reminding the child of the bigger picture, so as to have a more realistic perspective about things. Do not let conversations about how a child feels about upcoming events go on for too long.
Judith gives these pointers, if your child lacks self-regulation:
- Usually between the ages of 3 and 7, parents need to become more of an authority figure, by giving clear and calm instructions (and not buying into the emotional reactions of the child)
- Put in place family routines which are predictable (e.g. dinner, bath, book, bed)
- Have some simple rules for home – with consequences (time out for younger children; chore set for older children)
- Try to be consistent with consequences
- Give fewer reminders of what they need to do/remember as your child gets older (and let them bear the consequences if they forget)
- If your child is worried about an upcoming event/activity, briefly discuss the situation, acknowledge how they feel and then normalise their apprehension by saying its normal to feel nervous before doing something new; help them to see the benefits to them of facing the challenge and then reflect on their success when they manage it.
If you would like to read more about these strategies and approaches, Dr Judith Locke’s books are available to purchase online, and we highly recommend them.
Kind wishes
Michele Marquet
Head of Junior School
